May 7, 2017

I fell in love once

I fell in love once with someone who smoke rather too much

I didn't bother
I doodled my love on our classroom board,
I told everyone "I smoked last night."
I was hoping he will notice
I was 16 then
Stupid girl
He was in love with someone else,
His mom died of cancer

I fell in love once, with someone who looks like art 

I didn't bother
I bought new dresses and tried to look pretty as he is
I was hoping he will notice
I was 18 then
Pretty, but still stupid
He was Gay

I fell in love once, with someone who spends a lot of his time at the library

I didn't bother
I sat for hours at the library writing poems about unrequited love,
I sent it to some websites, and one got published
I was hoping he will notice
I was 19 then
The girl with unrequited love
Still a stupid girl
He went out with the girl who never went to the library

I fell in love once, with someone whom I have known beyond the gender

I didn't bother
"Blue is the warmest color," they said.
I started going for an all out rainbow pride,
and stayed up late at night talking to her
I was hoping she will notice
I was still 19
A little confused and still stupid
Rumors came and she became the nasty 3rd party to a relationship that ended

I fell in love once, with someone whom I have never thought I'd be in love with

I didn't bother
She is still a 'she' and my closest friend,
We drank too much, then tried to be sober at 5am
I've seen her soul in perfect color
I was hoping that she noticed
I was 21 then
Depressed and still stupid
She told me, "you are not Gay", and that all I needed is a best friend to feel less lonely
To which I agreed
Stupid Girl
She kissed me good bye and I've never felt so lonely, before

I fell in love once with this boy who have read my writings

I didn't bother
I tried writing better, although I svck a lot
He still called me, "the best"
I was 20 then
But, I met him again at a drinking bar at 22,
He put his arm around my shoulders
And I felt anger rather than love
I was hoping he will notice
Stupid Girl
He's not the same boy who've read my writings

I fell in love once, but never again
Some truths disjointed

As I sit in this dark room,
I try to go over how it all happened,
Why I felt, what I felt?
And how I will be able to get them out?

I am still stupid

How long will I sit here, until I'd finally be able to say, "I am truly in love with you" and you are too?

Would you still believe in true love when at 60 your parents are not in love anymore?

I stopped waiting, long ago. I closed the doors for what is true. This isn't me writing to you

I fell in love "once" and never again
I try not to feel
I hid them all

When I love, I don't love like this.
It's a loud silence, echoing throughout the universe, until you get to finally hear my voice

At 4am, I wrote a prose called "I fell in love once"; and I always picture myself falling in love like this.

But, I never did.

I didn't bother

Stupid girl

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