As I sat down inside a coffee shop, I can't help but stare outside the glass panel on a rainy afternoon; kind of feeling sleepy and melancholic - my normal mood when I am about to begin writing another sappy love letter. This time, I'm not going to write about you, I suddenly thought of telling you a story instead. It is about these two strange lovers that I got to know in one of my classes. They became one of my closest acquaintances. When I met them, my first impression was that they seem to be happy and perfect, smiling close together, hand in hand, like they came out from a Nicholas Sparks' book. It is such a perplexing thing to have witness something that will both make me feel pain and happiness at the same time. They "seemed" to be.
Until one day, when Van started crying, like the ones I've read in children's books, "Wolf!", she found out about Wil going out with his friends at a very inconvenient night, she was too afraid about finding out that he might be smoking pot and excessively partying. "He can't go out with them, I forbid him to do so!". I have known Wil's friends for quite some time, they were the typical bad boys who prefer sitting at the back of the classroom, although they convey an impression of naivety to most people, I always beg to differ. They were the type of guys, who were smart enough to enter the class drunk, and still tend to excel in class. I bet they also care for their lives and others as much as we do, but they prefer not to show it. The unfathomable boys, who'd rather be a bad ass than show what they truly feel. Wil, on the other hand, is also a smart boy but a goody two-shoes.
On that day, when Van approached me, I felt a bit of unease, more so when she started crying, I guess I just wasn't the perfect person to comfort her, if I wasn't feeling kind during that day, I could've slapped her face, and tell her to stop acting as if she owns Wil's life. But of course, that wasn't what happened. I tried to understand her; she only wants to provide the proper care and guidance. She loved Wil very much, she is even willing to form an uprising against his friends if she had to.
Whenever my friends ask for my advice or opinion, I try to weigh things first, I am mostly afraid of giving something that could hurt people or make things worse. I didn't exactly know what to give Van. Perhaps, I'm just the type of girl, who doesn't give a shit about anyone's life choices, even if it is with the one I love the most. I get it. I can only give them the benefit of hearing what I wanted to happen, but I'll never get to hold what they choose. If you truly love someone, you get to trust their choices. At the end of the day, what I only told Van was; "Don't worry. Let it go." It wasn't mine to say that, Van has no right to cage the one she loves or stage a war against the friends, it wasn't I who was supposed to stop her from doing all those things, hell I care about how she fights. I tried to look back on the day, I first met them, how they seem to be happy and perfect, smiling close together, hand in hand. That's when I thought to myself, it wasn't me nor her who needs to fight. It was the man who stepped back, when everything felt like the ending to a Nicholas Sparks' book.
I'm telling you this story, as I sat at a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon, because I remembered the words you once uttered, "Your future lover is lucky". Albeit, I don't need to prove anything to you. I still wonder if it's really true. Maybe, this was the proof. Unlike Van, I am someone who cannot withstand "labels" and "commitments", I cannot control anyone, I can only trust them - because I believe in love so much. I believe in the idea that true love exists, only when you open yourself to the fact that even love is not perfect. Just like ours.
My dear friend, you were always the better girl, the one idolized by many, artistic, intelligent, beautiful, mysteriously deep and always full of surprises. Some people might have been scared of you. I am. I am always afraid of what I feel for you. It was when I was crying and you were hugging me too tight, as if tears wouldn't roll down when you did that; I didn't know what to make of it. All those nights of whispering and conversations muffled by teeth and pursed lips - we would never run dry, because I have you and you have me too. We were both the unfathomable girls. Yet, I cannot love you the way Wil loves Van nor Van loves Wil. I was telling them the truth when I said, "I'm not going to be in love with her, simply because I cannot." Oh darling, we cannot, even if love always win.
It is such a perplexing thing to have witness something that will both make me ache and smile at the same time. Yes, thank you, my future lover is lucky. And, we could probably smoke weeds together, aside from the law, who cares anyway?
Love,
Patricia
Art from Valfre
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