Hello,
I have a confession to make, or a question rather, would the world still accepts me if I chose to lay in bed literally the whole day, doing absolutely nothing? I am so guilty. I should've read something from my school books or did some productive thing; like washing the laundry, cleaning my room or basically, watching a new movie. Instead, I decided to lay in bed, stalking people, chatting nonsense to people or scrolling on social media sites. Would the world still love me? would you? But, why do I even care? and why would you even care?
The other day, I had this icky feeling of discouragement. I woke up in the morning, thinking about whatever the great things are in mornings, reacting to nothingness. It's such a bad thought, which I happen to brush off out of my head immediately. Although, it was never really gone, internally. Right then, I realized some people would say, they want to die but the truth is they just wanted to live. I wanted to live, of course.
The stories of August, they were extremes. It's like, one morning, you'd wake up happy, giddy and excited. Then you will go home; tired, hopeless and unable to breathe. Some days, they were consistent, you wake up still sleepy, you go home still sleepy. There were happy moments, but never consistent happy days. Not that I'm complaining, it just sort of how my life goes right now. I'm writing this letter at 2am, my mom is still awake and she happens to be watching a horror film, and I'm beginning to get scared, instead of feeling sappy.
(Alright,)
It's so ideal to become someone so great that people wanted to be you. They'd fight for you, care for you, check you out and go grab pizza with you even if it's late. The Kendall effect. The Celebrated. Most of us have probably wanted to be as gorgeous as Liza Soberano or as handsome as Zac Efron, convincing our selves, life wouldn't be this hard if we were them. I'm such a hypocrite, if I never envisage this idea. I, too, would want to be as pretty as Kendall Jenner and Liza Soberano. I thought, maybe if I look exactly like them, someone would share pizza with me at this hour, or call me up even when it's late. Which reminds me, it's almost 4 am and I'm not yet done with this letter. I can already hear birds chirping. Today, I'm not wishing to become Liza Soberano, I'm not wishing to be someone else. I don't even wish for someone to go grab pizza with me at this hour (although, it's so cool, if someone would), all I wanted was to get out of this laziness - to find purpose in something new. To be found. I wanted to be smart, to write better, to dream higher, to reach them all and be stronger. I want to grab all these things even when they all seem so impossible. I don't want to be pretty. All I wanted was to be beautiful. The kind of beautiful, people would rather think about instead of talk about. Yet, here I am wallowing in self pity, like things would be better if I cry myself to sleep. Stupid.
Don't you just want to punch me on the face, and tell myself, "your drama is eating you alive!". I wouldn't be surprised, if one day, someone will (with hulk). I wrote this letter to make myself feel better, and it always work. (I'm not quite happy about the horror film my mom is watching. I couldn't concentrate. Goodness).
August. Sad things, really do happen in August. Remember my story about the lost stickers? Aside from that, this was also the month, I lost my best friend; the month where I began having a crush on a girl back in fourth grade and the only way to get her attention was to write her a hate letter (hahaha weirdo), the result was also an epic hate battle. Drama always happen in August for Anna. But, for some strange reason, this month have brought me to great stories worth sharing to. On August 2016, I started failing my classes, and started acting like I'm gonna die if I will not pass the last semester of my college life. I trust that one day, a year later or the next year after that, I'd be laughing my ass off, thinking about the way I wanted so bad to be pretty like Liza Soberano or how ugly I cry over school stuff, and how bad I wrote this letter.
I hope, one day, I'd finally be able to wake up with so much optimism again, with light in my eyes, ready to conquer the world. I hope one day, I'd write better things, tell better stories, inspire more people. To love myself and love the things I don't happen to like, right now. I'd like to wake up one morning feeling excited and ending the day, fulfilled - Beautiful.
I'm so certain, it will happen. I will make it so.
You should too.
Love,
Patricia
P.S. If you are wondering, where I get these amazing photographs on my blog. I get them at unsplash, they are all free to use. ;)
(Alright,)
It's so ideal to become someone so great that people wanted to be you. They'd fight for you, care for you, check you out and go grab pizza with you even if it's late. The Kendall effect. The Celebrated. Most of us have probably wanted to be as gorgeous as Liza Soberano or as handsome as Zac Efron, convincing our selves, life wouldn't be this hard if we were them. I'm such a hypocrite, if I never envisage this idea. I, too, would want to be as pretty as Kendall Jenner and Liza Soberano. I thought, maybe if I look exactly like them, someone would share pizza with me at this hour, or call me up even when it's late. Which reminds me, it's almost 4 am and I'm not yet done with this letter. I can already hear birds chirping. Today, I'm not wishing to become Liza Soberano, I'm not wishing to be someone else. I don't even wish for someone to go grab pizza with me at this hour (although, it's so cool, if someone would), all I wanted was to get out of this laziness - to find purpose in something new. To be found. I wanted to be smart, to write better, to dream higher, to reach them all and be stronger. I want to grab all these things even when they all seem so impossible. I don't want to be pretty. All I wanted was to be beautiful. The kind of beautiful, people would rather think about instead of talk about. Yet, here I am wallowing in self pity, like things would be better if I cry myself to sleep. Stupid.
Don't you just want to punch me on the face, and tell myself, "your drama is eating you alive!". I wouldn't be surprised, if one day, someone will (with hulk). I wrote this letter to make myself feel better, and it always work. (I'm not quite happy about the horror film my mom is watching. I couldn't concentrate. Goodness).
August. Sad things, really do happen in August. Remember my story about the lost stickers? Aside from that, this was also the month, I lost my best friend; the month where I began having a crush on a girl back in fourth grade and the only way to get her attention was to write her a hate letter (hahaha weirdo), the result was also an epic hate battle. Drama always happen in August for Anna. But, for some strange reason, this month have brought me to great stories worth sharing to. On August 2016, I started failing my classes, and started acting like I'm gonna die if I will not pass the last semester of my college life. I trust that one day, a year later or the next year after that, I'd be laughing my ass off, thinking about the way I wanted so bad to be pretty like Liza Soberano or how ugly I cry over school stuff, and how bad I wrote this letter.
I hope, one day, I'd finally be able to wake up with so much optimism again, with light in my eyes, ready to conquer the world. I hope one day, I'd write better things, tell better stories, inspire more people. To love myself and love the things I don't happen to like, right now. I'd like to wake up one morning feeling excited and ending the day, fulfilled - Beautiful.
You should too.
Love,
Patricia
P.S. If you are wondering, where I get these amazing photographs on my blog. I get them at unsplash, they are all free to use. ;)
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