December 22, 2015

Liar, Liar, Pants on fire

My dearest, 

Why would you leave me just like that?

"I'm a pretty messed up girl, I used to lie about being a princess back in kindergarten, and I used to lie about my sister being my mom on my 1st grade, then I lied about my made-up bullies in school just so everyone would sympathize with me, I lied about living in a mansion and touring around the world on my 3rd grade, I lied about having a cellphone at 4th grade even if I didn't have one, I lied about being a gymnast on my 6th grade. I lied about all the things that I wanted to be, but I couldn't. That is how I know, I don't love myself enough" The confession of my 13 yr old self to her classmates in highschool

What if at 21 I'm still lying about some parts of my life/self because I still cannot love what is set for me, would you leave me for being a liar or leave me because you couldn't trust me anymore? No. I guess, you would leave me because I'm a girl who couldn't even love the truths about herself enough to love others.

But then again, I have given too much to others, that sometimes I no longer distinguish what is true and what is not. But this is the only truth I know;

I love you even when you don't say it back.

I wish I could've love myself the way I have loved you. However, it's also because of this love, that made me lie even more.

My dearest, on that night, I expected you to say, "I would stay with you, because I love you even with your darkest shadows", but instead you just said "good bye". 

Yet of course, I will write this as if it ended beautifully;

You held my hand and slowly asked me to tell the truth, --------

and you left.

So I asked myself, on which part did I lie?

I wish you well,