December 12, 2015

Finding "happily ever after"



Dearest readers,


I suppose you know the story of Cinderella? How after all the terrible things she went through, she managed to still find her prince charming and was able to live a happily ever after? I've always thought people have their own way of getting something like that. Wherein, we all are prince and princesses, who are meant to get our own happy endings. I may sound a little absurd, but believe me when I say; I'm still hoping for it. 

Sometimes, people hate me for romanticising most of the things that is happening in my life; like finding a new best friend from a girl I've just met a couple minutes ago, or just by talking to a stray cat. I'm a starring character from a movie I just wrote. A drama queen and a cry-baby.

And it's scary to think, that one day I'd just wake up to a realization that my life is, in fact, not a fairytale nor a comedy, but a tragedy never bound for a happily ever after. What could be worse than these thoughts? 

I'm writing you a letter because I felt like, I'm a short distance away from getting that realization and I'm quite devastated.

Some people have told me, I'm too 'nega' or pessimistic; I always foresee things as bad. But that is just because I'm a wreckage of what was once hopeful. Failures after failures after failures after failures. Failing is now a routine in my life, no matter how hard I try to avoid them. Sometimes, I wonder what if I just made myself believe that everything will turn out to be okay in the end, just so I don't have to face the fact that maybe it will not?

Last night, I went to bed crying, because I'm haunted by the thoughts of these again, how long will I ask the same questions, write the same letters and proses, and cry for the same reason? how much longer would I try to wait for nothing? Until I can finally say, I am no cinderella. 

But that wouldn't happen, because somewhere in the wilderness of these haunted thoughts; disappointments, fear, rejections, inferiorities and sadness. There is this heroine in me, that would destroy all of them, not as a cinderella, but a dragon, a lion or a tiger. Somewhere beneath this damsel in distress is a fire burning inside her. Passion, Love and Dreams. Why would you not believe in the power of those things that makes you feel alive? Isn't that what makes a great epic?

My dearest readers, there will be many reasons for you to give up. You will be shattered, broken and staggered. However, know that the most remarkable protagonists and lead roles weren't those who started the best and those who wasn't given the life they've always wanted at the beginning. They were mocked by people around them, have been called weak, dumb, useless and unimportant. Thus, if you're living a shitty life right now, thinking that you are far away from getting what you dream of, you are actually closer to getting that dream. As one fairy god mother have said, Have a little faith.

I may sound a little absurd, but believe me when I say; I'm still hoping for everyone to have their own happily ever after. And if that belief will make me cry in pain every night, then that must be worth fighting for. I'd cry a thousand tears for it, if it entails me otherwise, because this is after all our own written stories. At the end of all these, I hope it will burst fireworks coming from the fires inside our hearts.

Close the red curtains, the end. 


Love, 
Patricia