Putting an end

How do you really put an end to something? Do you just say goodbye? Or you just eventually run far away without notice? Do you just slowly drift apart? How do you really tell when something is over?

I've learned that some things are only good for five months, like the recent semester or the "forever" that we had. 

I went to manila today. I didn't book a flight, so I'm writing at the bus for the very first time.

I went all the way here, not to romanticized my being alone for the moment, or the gaps between my close friends. I went all the way here to look at a bigger picture; there is more to life than what we feel inside.

I used to be the type of girl, who romanticized everything, sentimental and recklessly emotional. I have always been in love with the idea of love, and the idea that people feel the same way as I do. I view life like the movies. I’m a heroine, fighting her battle like everything revolves around her. However, reality kicks in, I’ll realize that there are other people falling apart, crying at midnight, drinking coffee at 4am, sleepless and broken, and I get slapped by the thought that the world isn’t just about me.

It’s amazing how the days can change you to a different kind of person, one day you are bubbly and expressive, then the next day, you will just run out of words to say so you locked yourself away from this world.

Some days you will just get tired of being sad, then you'll pretend that everything is okay. Trust me, you will believe it. Suddenly the days will move fast, without ever noticing you are slowly losing your own self.

I’ve learned that sometimes we meet a person to touch our lives but wasn’t meant to stay in it for too long.

Thereupon, someone will come knocking at your door. But they will leave you sooner or later. I wish I had stayed a little longer on the moments, when I used to think people would love me the same way I loved them. But I’ve learned that the reality of love is that it isn’t always reciprocated and you just get through it.

You couldn't just wallow around, praying for someone to save you. The truth is, you are to save your own self. 

But, I’ve learned too that, yes, some people aren't going to stay too long in our lives, but so are sadness and all our frustrations.

 

While walking at this elite hall, hand in hand with my college best friend, thinking: some hands aren’t meant to hold hands together, but our feet can walk the same path and that pretty much says so much of letting go without leaving.

We spent the whole afternoon, walking around dreaming of the future, notwithstanding our talks and giggles over silly things. I don't want the moment to end. But it did.

“See you soon, Anna. Stay happy!”

Moments are moments and it can only happen once.

I’ve ultimately learned that, we fail at some things not because we weren't good enough but because of our choice.

I am continuing to write this now, on the way home

I've learned that I could write at 1am far away from home. Believing that the world is too big and my feelings are too. Some people couldn't handle it, but the great ones could. 

How do you tell when something is over?

Is it when some things couldn’t be the same way, even if you tried fixing them?

Or is it when you don’t feel like writing a love letter for them anymore?

Then the bus became colder, moving fast, leaving everything behind, until I am back home again. Sitting, trying to finish writing this, while listening to Goo goo dolls. 

I don't feel the same way anymore as I once left it, 4 days ago.

I wish you well. It's over.

Love, Pat