October 18, 2015

An open letter to a new friend who slipped away so suddenly

To my dear friend,

I'll start this letter with my cliché statement; I met you when I had high hopes of giving myself a second chance. It was a Wednesday afternoon, we were both quiet and scared of each other. I was wearing my sandals and you were wearing your chucks. You seem really nice but with a face that does not spell it out (Hahaha! Sorry!). Seat mates, getting uncomfortable on who'd say "hi" first. We became friends with a question that denotes hope: "Enhancement?" "Yes."

Although, I suck at advanced accounting, you help me get over it with chuckles and giggles, two girls sitting behind. I knew we were our teacher's favorite (Haha!). We became a team. What do you call it? The Laughing Team. 

To my new friend, who I really want to tell stories to; dramas, punchlines, and all the depressing yet funny things in my life. I may not know you for a very long period of time. But, that's just how weird I am -- I get attached to people in the minutes they made me believe in genuine happiness, again. That's when I know I found another treasure. When my best friends were all looking for their destiny somewhere far and getting in touch with them seems grim, while I was also feeling quite homesick. You came and it suddenly felt brighter. 

I am sorry for not reciprocating the brightness you gave. You're a new friend and just like my old broken friendships, I let you slipped so suddenly. Reasons: Pride and Ego. 

I have never in my life wished for my sadness to stay. There are times when I just want to sleep my sadness away, or pray that this would be over soon before I ever know it. Sometimes, I don't know what makes me sad anymore. Maybe, I had too much to think that I suddenly forgot as to why I'm feeling this way; Or maybe, I am aware of it, I just brushed it off in exchange with something that is "little" like not having lunch because my mom didn't cook for me, or failing at a quiz. But then, we all knew those weren't just the reasons, I am not a shallow girl. I am confused. I'm lost and I couldn't find myself anymore. I don't belong and I felt like I will never really belong to anyone. I'm trying to love myself and all I do is hate it.

Maybe, I got too boring or that I am not anymore as smart as when you met me. Maybe, I became too lousy or I haven't gotten enough jokes anymore. But, I'm sorry for making you feel sad, and getting you into all this bullshitness of my life. I want you to be happy but all I'm giving you is sadness. Sorry. 

Remember the first joke I ever told you?


Who's there?

Boom clap. 

Boom clap who? 

Di ako boom clap cccccclap di ako shokla kla kla kla nililinlang ako ng iyong pagtinging babae po ako. 

I hope I made you laugh. Albeit you told me my laugh is funnier than the joke.

Indeed you were right, when you told me that we are going to get through all the problems in this world. Yet, we should also remember to never quantify each other's battles. Everyone has their own levels of difficulty. We are both strong girls. Yes, the real world is tough and you told me that tough is an understatement but I always believe we were born tougher. We are here now. 

I wrote you this letter because someone told me that, if I'm willing to preserve a friendship, I need to fight for it and give my pride a little pat at the back. I am going to start it with you. 

I am not your bestfriend nor boyfriend. To be honest, I'm a bit cheesy. But that's okay, we are going to be prereview buddies anyway. So ready your gear and hasten up, laughing team.

I met you when I had high hopes of giving myself a second chance and I want to meet you again, N. 

Truly yours,
Saint Anna (HAHAHA!)

P.S. We need another contract signing. There's a coffee somewhere in this letter. Lol