September 20, 2015

Forgetting Feelings

You don't have to read this. 

This letter, I wrote months ago; on scratch papers, in everywhere I go, in all the places I left my heart. I've been writing a letter inside my head and I can't seem to fathom the right words, or how I'm gonna write this. I thought, maybe because I'm scared of writing it or that maybe I haven't gotten enough words these past few months. I haven't read enough novels or watched a couple number of films to inspire me. I haven't gotten a good grip of all the things I feel for you. But now, I guess I'm going to construct it now, with rawness, just how I think this letter is supposed to be.

The first paragraph would be about a memory, melancholic and indelible. Something, that would ignite your bones, enough to finish the whole letter. I will tell you lies and assumptions. I would tell you about my artistic dreams, eccentric, bizarre and imaginative. As a matter of ego, I would put up my undying passion and all the things that brought me onto writing you a letter. I will add a touching quote and I hope you'll cry. If you don't, then I'll just settle on continuing this letter as dramatic as I am. I hope you'll get the point. 

The second paragraph would be composed of the half-truths, matched with the poems I've read somewhere, this is where I am going to make you believe I'm crying. I'll add my usual wits; then I'd start telling you the things I feel inside, as if it's as clear as the tap water I drank this morning. I will make you believe I love you, then make you breathless. I am going to add those conversations we had until 3am, to remind you that what we had is something that would last forever. I will make you fall a little deeper in love with me, then end the second paragraph with the word; "friends", no! it should be: "best friends forever". That would make it cool, I hope you'll get the point.

The third paragraph, would be the most painful. I'd add the lyrics to the songs we've been listening together, just something that would throb your heart. This paragraph would make you want to call me at 2am and ask for help. I'd tell you how much you make me happy, but I'll instantly cut it out, and extend it with something sappy, it is what it is, this letter should always be about how you make me too emotional, I can't even breathe. After you've cried your heart out, believing that this letter is the sweetest letter you've ever read, I'm going to end this paragraph, with strong tenses but never I love you. I hope you'll get the point.

The fourth and last paragraph, would be where the truths are. After all, it is often at the endings that we get to see the truth. I will tell you that this letter isn't meant to make you fall in love with me nor do I like to make you cry. I'll quote my past writings, then I'll add my insights, as if I did it on purpose. This paragraph would be composed of nonsensical things, people never reach this part anyway, so I'd now add the truths with sarcasm, coated in paradoxes. I'll raise your hopes up reckoned with expectations. Then, I'll confess it at the end of this paragraph, at the last sentence and before I say good bye. I'll tell you that what I wrote for you, is all just an idea, is all just an assumption, is all just an illusion of what we have. Then, beneath all the sweet lines of the yellow paper, I'll end it by saying; I've finally forgotten all the feelings, I've had for you; I'm not in love with you. So, I'm going to construct it now, with rawness,  just how I think this letter is supposed to be. No feelings attached. I'll add a quote from Tumblr, I hope you got the point? You don't have to read it.

Add: Love, (insert-name-here)