I wrote this while I was preparing for my law class (come on give me a break). It was in this day that I have realized how extremely lucky I am
to have survived the typhoon despite having such a brittle house. I knew that I
needed to write something about the typhoon after it just happened but I did
not. I waited for 5 days, I thought of it long enough and I decided to write
today. I was uninspired, meek, dumbfounded, I couldn’t find the perfect words
to tell you how my experience turned out in the past few days. But, this is it.
I am always left out at home on regular days because my
parents are always busy on some things (a friend told me to never post this on
any public sites because of its danger, but it’s okay and I’m not even afraid
to disclose it). This is always the reason why I am fond of reading or writing.
I am not a fan of television shows except selected foreign series. Therefore, I
am not always bored even if I am always alone at home, for I tend to do things
I am very much interested in. Plus, I have my Internet; I can always talk to my
friends (and I always do). However, 5 days have gone by and we still don’t have
an electric power, and with that comes no Internet. I wasn’t sad because I
still have my books.
But then, there was last night when I felt really sad. (Not
in the usual manner) Sad but not sad. I don’t know. I guess I couldn’t express
the feeling literally. I have no one to talk to and it was dark. It bothers me
because that was the first time I felt really lonely, I felt the wanting of
having to talk to someone and laugh with. I wanted to talk to you but I
couldn’t because you might think I am exceedingly weird. I avoided it. I just
stared at the walls and began to fall asleep.
I woke up today, eager to tell you what I have thought; I
thought of the rich people, how they were during the typhoon, how was
everything inside the house and how did they survived it? In whatever
circumstance, still rich people are rich, how lucky they were. In contrast, I
thought of the old ladies who went to church for Carmelite mass at that very
hour and was stranded along the way for they couldn’t find their way home. I
thought of the street children, the dogs, the bird’s nests, the cats astray,
and the homeless. Where were they? It gives me chills and it makes me even sadder. My experience during the typhoon was horrid
because I thought our house is already going to give up. I never thought of the
others at that moment. I was scared and thought of myself first (I call myself
selfish for doing so), I guess you have done the same thing. Last night, I
begin to wonder about the people around me. I wanted to ask them whether they
truly cared or is it just their duty? I question the irrelevance of group
messages that indicates, “Keep safe.” Do they really mean it? Or is it just a
fad? If they knew I was lonely last night, would they even bother to talk to
me? And those were the questions I wanted to ask you.
Before I end this long letter, I wanted to express how much
I truly cared, not for duty or for fad. But because I really did care and if I
could tell it upfront, I would. But I wouldn’t because I couldn’t. I will
remain the talkative girl speaking shallow, acting indifferent and thinking she
has nothing to lose. Although the truth is that I really, really cared and if I
ever talk to you again. I hope you wouldn’t reply; “haha”. Because Glenda did
and she’s a total bitch.
Love, Patricia
