Closures

I can’t remember anymore, the many stories this year in which I was planning on writing but did not make any progress. At times, it made me wonder whether am I still capable, and whether there is still some soul left in me. 

My grab rides this year, as I have figured out totaled about 10,000 pesos, a bit amusing and terrifying because I honestly don’t use it often. Funny, I don’t know how it relates to this write up. But, it’s amusing to find people raving about their surprising total ride amount. I wish it could also quantify feelings that I carry during my rides going home.

The events of this year were on full speed. I can’t even remember how it all happened; how I got out of the crazy cage called ‘review’ and ultimately getting a professional title, how the choices was much harder today than it was at the start of this year, how I realized more and more that the cage will never really be gone, it will just be bigger. Moreover, I’ve learned that there was the kind of love that doesn’t need any explanation; that life, however way we planned it, will never really be easy. This year, I’ve been taught again that happiness is fleeting and moments really never happen twice. Feelings come and go – the point is, they always come.

My rides going home are always the most sentimental; it is like going back to good feelings we’ve once felt. Our comfort zone is very tempting. I think if we all had a choice, I guess, we would always choose to pause at a moment when it all feels perfect, but then at all times, the story closes.

Closures.

This year is ending. As I write my finale of 2018, I would not wallow on things that did not happen or the mishaps and sadness, or the fact that sometimes the universe is against me. This year had many ups and downs, like all other years that came. Instead, I would like to view this year as a blessing, a gift and a beautiful story of transition. 

I experienced a love story worth writing, I became someone I thought I could never be, I attended the dreamiest event my sister and I have been planning, I met different people and made new friends, there is learning and growth. Sometimes, decisions get really hard – but that’s the beauty of it. I am not romanticizing shitty things, but shitty things really make a good story.  *wink, wink*

I’m not good at closures. I don’t always understand the need for it. All I want you to know is that there really are years meant for each of us, sewn by the universe, through some kind of fate. 2018 has been my year. 

I’m closing this year, by somehow, telling you that things end not because there wasn’t enough love in it, or that it was unsatisfactory, disappointing and bad. Some things just had to end, because there will be better days. As we go on, rides after rides, I hope there will be that moment where everything pauses, and that would be your story. 

Happy New Year!

May we all have a blast this 2019

Here’s to more love letters from me

Love,

Patricia