There are days, when I just scroll through my Pinterest looking for some good home interiors, and the whole afternoon would be just dreaming about my future space as well. Ah! The comfort when I feel like running away from the real world or adulthood, I imagine places that are close to childhood memories. It was always easier for us back then. Looking back, I always felt like those days were difficult days, but then as we grow older, things are just getting rougher and rougher. Don't you just, kind of, want to live those moments the same way they happened?
To be honest, I'm really scared of going in the reality of LIFE, I always felt like I'm still innocent. That there is greater good amidst everything that is happening, but you can't always just turn blind-eye. When I officially became a Certified Public Accountant, there were still days when I doubt myself - Do I truly deserve the title? What does that make me? I always ask my employer during interviews, what my responsibilities are, because quite honestly, I still can't comprehend, what the society expects me to do? (though, of course I had 6 rough years studying the concepts) What bigger things are there for me to carry? What does the future hold for me? I can't still grasp the fact that I can now be held liable for my opinion. Or that, is this where I truly wanted to be?
The latter can be quite stressful. I think I got a little depressed thinking about it. I've read a lot of twitter accounts where they too felt the same and I want to believe, this is all just part of the process. The suffocation, the little space given to you for growth, the limit - when all this time, you always thought that the story would end up great, but the reality isn't like the movies. It is bad. You'd spend your life trying to fake things: the way you dress, carry yourself and the way you speak. Until, you get to blend in.
I could've chosen to go the other way, or to turn my back and just live with my parents in the province, it would've been great. What comforts and happiness could it make right now? The thing is, that is not what I think we were made of. I think we were made of adventures and misadventures. Growth is not found in our comfort zones, growth lies beneath hardships and unending sacrifices. Until, we finally realized we have become the person we wanted to be. The world is Big. The reality is worse than we thought. People are gonna stomp on you. The human nature isn't always perfect but we can always do the right thing. Yep, it is big, but we are bigger. I am bigger. Yes it's worse, but we are better. They will stomp on you, but at the end of the day whose shoes are gonna break?
I am scared, really. But, I didn't become a Certified Public Accountant just so I could do something comfortable. I was meant to tell a story. I hold the highest regard of public interest. And, much like other professionals, we are called for a purpose. Maybe, we all feel shitty for not being able to understand things yet. Maybe, it's not today. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if this is something I wanted. All I know is that, it was given to me because I deserved it, that I am stronger and bigger than the reality of the world. I don't know what the fvck I am doing here, but I feel like I'm on the right place. It's hard, but all things were hard before they were ever easy, right?
When I try to look at my pinned home interiors, and imagine myself creating something beautiful out of a tragedy, that what makes me see life more beautiful (cheesy, I know). I think that is what I was meant to do.
So, you're lost, I'm lost, we both are. Let go of the illusion that it could have been any different, if we have chosen the other way. Hold on. We are growing, bro. This is exactly where God wants us to be.
Love always,
Patricia
Photo: Pinterest. Ctto
No comments :
Post a Comment