Allow me to start this letter by
telling you a tragic story.
On August 21, 2005 I lost my
whole favorite sticker collection. I cried for days and I was devastated. From
then on, 21 have been an unlucky number for me.
I’ve always had bizarre imaginations
before a certain event happens. I was scared of turning 21 because I felt like
it would be an unlucky year for me. But, why would I bother? It’s just a lame
superstitious belief, irrational as it always sounds. I eventually planned out
what to do for my birthday. It was exciting, of course. You could just imagine
how excited and happy I was to get that drinking party perfect!
Sometimes, we assume, we
expect and we get too caught up with our emotions. Then, we imagine things that
aren’t supposed to be, we fall in love with illusions, and we try to get our
hopes up. However, things are not always the way we want them to and that’s
when we fall apart.
My 21st birthday
party was a liberating experience (I tell you, it wasn’t just because of
too much drinking hahaha). But, I didn’t get to perceive, why it still felt dull
and incomplete. It’s not because it
was boring (no, as a matter of fact, it was fun). It was liberating; a party with an honest
release of sentiments and a lot of cheering for future colleagues and dreams. Yet,
I still don’t understand why I didn’t feel genuinely happy. I guess I miss my
long-time friends (who knows me really well), who would gather everything and
everyone just to surprise me, and although I’m always a crybaby, they’d still
want to see me cry. Later that night, I felt homesick and I just want to go
home. But I couldn’t.
It’s hard for me to write
this letter because I always wanted to share happy memories of my birthdays,
like it’s a chapter from a chic-lit novel. I want to be giddy about it. I want
to rewrite the “sweet heart loving dancing in the dark” debut. I want to tell
you how each of them made me feel loved and special. And, for once in my life I
felt like I belong to somebody. I don’t need to think negatively of the night I
got to turn the age of unluckiness.
But it didn’t happen. Things
are not always the way we want them to. I’m awfully sorry for feeling this way,
when I shouldn’t be.
“So Anna, what is your wish
for your birthday?” “I just want to be happy.”
When I lost my collection of
stickers, I didn’t know what to do after crying everything out. How did I eventually
get over them? I don't remember exactly. Maybe, I managed to outgrow collecting
stickers or maybe I managed to overcome the pain.
I wrote this letter, to thank everyone, especially those who, absent-mindedly, made me feel better (and also, made me realize that there is more to life than parties hahahaha). My birthday wouldn't be grand without you. I am completely grateful. Despite having setbacks and dramas, I ultimately ended the day with a smile on my face. Things are not always the way we want them to, but that's okay.
Love,
The
sweeter anna
P.S. Happy Birthday also to my birthday-mates, Noemae and Alexes!!!
P.S. Happy Birthday also to my birthday-mates, Noemae and Alexes!!!
