August 1, 2015

An open letter to my almost-giving-up self

Anna Patricia,

Remember when you were eight, and you were just learning how to ride a bike? Your neighbor friends used to laugh at you because you couldn't even get to at least 5 meters, they would tease you and call you weak, because you always stumble down. I assume you still remember what happened the day when they called you "loser"? You managed to push through, you just did what you want to do. Then all of a sudden you were already moving fast and that's how you learned it.

You are the most stubborn yet too ambitious girl I've ever known. Days when you cry in bed and tell yourself you can't do it anymore but the next day, you are hustling again. How cool is that? Haha!

You are always praying to be saved, crippled in sadness while badly wanting to tell the world how ugly it is. But, you still get a hold of telling people how beautiful the world is. 

You are not a quitter, Anna. I've always believed in you but you always shoved the thought of me in exchange for your countless dramas and blues. You are stronger than the ghosts that tell you to cut it down. I bet you will even point your middle finger at them. 

You are one of the few who will prove out that indeed, grades do not define us. It's the certainties that make you; your bubbly smiling self, the way you care most for others over yourself, it's your convictions and your utterly romantic side (even your gorgeous bi-curiosity). 

I will not tell you to stop crying. When life seems hopeless, I suggest you cry. There's nothing wrong with it. There's so much more to crying than pretending everything is okay. 

But know when it's time to redirect. You didn't come this far for nothing, neither come this far just to give up. You chose this path not because you wanted to just feel smart (the way you've always thought of), No. You chose this path because you are a dreamer, a high-aimer and a risk-taker. You are unlike any other who will just settle for less. 

The brokenness inside of you, is what makes you "you", anyway. Do not be too hard on yourself, do not be scared, either. You are great, anna. You are always meant to be great. Someday, you'd have to realize this. But, today I just want you to have faith, things will get better soon. Be patient, work hard and never ever stop trying. Believe, Be brave.

And if you ever feel worthless again, just laugh it off and tell yourself again how you learned to ride a bicycle. 

There is always hope. Do not lose sight.

I can't wait!
Pedal as fast as you can!

Your CPA dreams.