Short trip: Caramoan Peninsula part 2

          Traveling gives me the same feeling as being in love. It gives me the feeling of excitement and nervousness at the same time. I want to embrace the moment, breathe it, feel it and make it love me back. However, It's just sad to know that some people these days would only want to travel or to get near beautiful sceneries so that they can establish a good instagram feed and I don't actually get it. What excites me most about traveling is that you get the opportunity to listen to all your travel playlists, then that's the time I get to write my stories. It's so fun that I am already able to imagine things. In fact, my first ever blogpost were written while I was traveling. Go browse it! Haha

When I went to Caramoan last April, I didn't have to second guess, even if I had to sacrifice 2 days of my summer classes. I was willing to give it up because I was too excited to go. I didn't even regret it. I met new friends and created a new short story. Dizziness don't care.

I want to believe I am free-spirited even though I haven't really felt free in my whole life, this is because I am always caged by the reality. It's hard to believe that an idealistic girl like me, could actually turn out to be a realist too. Hahaha! But I am not flip-flopping my stance. What I wanted to impart is that, I feel like I am enclosed by the dreams that do not always conform with what I have grown to want. I was never free. But, when I get to finally see the stretch of palm trees, the mountain views, the sea, the drive to where I am headed to. That's the moment when another me springs out. She reminds me so much of the deepest desires I have in life. 

I went back to Caramoan on the second week of May right after the end of my summer class, this time I am not only with my Dad but I was with my Mom and Cousins. Going to Caramoan helps me know more about my Dad, Caramoan is his hometown but he have always been discreet on sharing his childhood pasts and memories, so I didn't know much about those parts of his life. But, just by visiting the place where he grew up, makes me want to assume that his childhood must have been amazing!

My Dad always have the aura of just wanting to enjoy life and to get lost in the moment. Whenever I come to travel going to Caramoan, I also get this pang wherein I also want to get lost.

"That mountain where dreams grow"

Alexandra,

When I entered on that coffee shop where I first met you, I didn't believe in love at first sight. But then, our eyes met and I suddenly couldn't breathe.

It's been 4 years since I last saw you. 4 years since our last cliff diving together, I can still remember how you held my hand too tight because you were scared of falling. Even so, I admire you for being too brave. 

I am writing this letter obviously because I miss you and I haven't really gotten over you. Alexandra, I went to that mountain again today and everything we had came back. I just want you to know that I'm in so much pain right now, it's not my thing to be telling you what I truly feel, but I'm already telling this to you because I don't want to live in regret, again.

Know that I still care. 

We met when I was in my best years, I passed the entrance exam in the university I really want, I started owning up a blog where I help heart-broken people with their problems (which is kinda funny to you). My highschool friends called me a celebrity, for finally getting a column on a teen magazine, but in reality it was a tabloid teen magazine and my column was too small (It was again, kinda funny to you). I felt like I was really smart. Until, I met you. You wreck me and it was a gorgeous wreckage. Right now, when I come to think of it, I am in need of my old self again.

The mountain where we first talked about our dreams and even our hatreds, it was also the place where you told me about running away. I couldn't forget the first time we held our hands while we watch the sunset under a sycamore tree overlooking the islets that surrounded the mountain, then we talked for hours and we didn't realize, it's already sunrise. How I long to be on that same place again, with you. 

4 years ago. You went missing.

I thought break-ups can be as easy as getting-over your failing grades wherein you can just make it right the next semester. But, it wasn't and I couldn't make it right. It's worse than losing your favorite Cat, losing a book signed by your favorite author, losing a job you've worked hard for, losing yourself. When I lost you, I got the same feeling as when I first met you; I suddenly couldn't breathe. 

Writing this letter is hard, for I know it will never reach you. Or maybe it will, on the place you are right now. You've always wanted to get lost and then, you lost your life. 

I can still hear you say, "Eat your pizza, before it's too late." "When you are too scared to jump, that's the time you have to jump." "Please. Do not give up."

Whoever tortured you for being honest, real and brave, is a coward. 

Alexandra, the smartest person I've ever known, your mind is full of flowers yet people reaped weeds. 

Once I said the words, "There is no forever." You replied with the words, "I'll prove you wrong." Indeed, you have proven me wrong when you went missing 4 years ago, the last words I heard from you were; "This-is-not-over-yet." Indeed, it wasn't over yet and I'll never get over you. Things may change and the world may end but never the memory of us dancing under the moon on top of that mountain, that mountain where dreams grow. Halcyon.

I am writing you this letter at the coffee shop where we first met, I still remember how our eyes locked, you looked at me, moved swiftly towards me, and insanely said the words,"Hi! Please help me fix my broken heart."


Love,
xxxxxxxx


This isn't over yet.

Love,
Patricia




Photos were taken at

Mother of Peace Grotto
Cotivas Island, Caramoan
Manalawi Sand Bar, Caramoan
Sabitang-Laya, Caramoan
St. Michael the Archangel Church of Caramoan