So many thoughts have bothered me as I ended my Junior year in college (which for me was the best year, so far). It's like feeling a lot of sentiments I know I should not feel yet, although "sad" is an overstatement, I'm not sad, I'm even satisfied and relieved that I am done with Cost Accounting and Taxation 1 (I hope to God, I passed). However, I am not that happy. You might think I am so ungrateful for sharing with you these things, I should have given you; "School's out, it's Summer time!!!!" but instead I gave you an extremist reveal of sentiments. Hahaha! Don't worry I have reserved more. Anyway, I still have 2 months to go before senior year. I might as well enjoy this while it lasts.
I made my 8-day vacation Checklist because I still have summer classes. It sucks, I know.
Catching up on How I met your mother season 9Watch Divergent even if I hated the Trilogy. Sorry Veronica Roth- Movie Marathon with Cousins
- Read at least 3 David Levithan books
- Reread Fountainhead by Ayn Rand (Ack! I still couldn't believe, Ayn Rand could possibly help me get an "A" in my Philosophy Class. I love my bookish-side self Ahhhhh even if I really don't consider myself as bookworm. I still love it!)
- Swim! Party! Swim!
- Stay away from the computer. (Which I doubt will ever happen hahaha)
Watercolor Painting!- Have a summer picture
- Catch-up with the Best friend xx
I'm still very excited for this summer. I mean, it would probably be the last summer break of school, if I ever make it on 2015. I dare not waste it. Speaking of which;
Sentiments. Senior Blues. 2015 & 2016 is coming soooooon.
"School is school -- she wants it to be over, but she's afraid of it being over, because then she'll have to figure out what comes next." -David Levithan, Every day
When I think about Graduating next year, it makes me want to ditch it, to think of finishing something I am not proud of is something I wouldn't do. I just feel like I don't deserve it, like "Wait. Stop. I'm not yet done." I am weird for saying this, because I know most of us would want to graduate soon, but not me. I haven't achieved something yet, I haven't proven anything yet. Which makes me think, what is there to prove?
I'm not saying, I want to graduate with honors because I know it's kinda impossible having to follow my sisters' footsteps, but how would I tell my parents that I'm the only one who is not? I mean, I have to be something as well. But I'm not "something". I am average, destined for a meaningless life and that makes me feel so unhappy and scared. Whoever wanted a meaningless life?
Right now, I just wanted to enjoy things. To feel satisfied even if there are underlying regrets, failures and sadness. I have promised not to give up, I wouldn't. I will finish with colors maybe not this coming October, not next year nor the succeeding year. But someday.
Truly Yours,
Anna. Have a great summer!
