March 30, 2014

Certainties instead of Maybes

It's 2:30 a.m and I found myself writing again. This is going to be short (I hope). Probably, no one would ever read this hahaha! Good. Because I will write this for myself.  

First, I wanted to thank God for the recently over semester, flat 3 means a lot to me. Thank you because I woke up today not caring whether I am on the Dean's List or President's List. It's been years since I drown myself with these thoughts, ultimately making them self-destructive. I am very grateful to have overcome it. 

As I was beginning to give up again, and venting out at the start of the month, saying "I can't do it anymore." I was given another hope. So, I would like to rewrite what I have said at the beginning of the month.

Maybe, I am really worth it like how I always wished I am. Because eventually we become the persons we wanted to be. 

Maybe, there is light at the end of this long traveled craving to excel on some things. Maybe, it is not for me yet, right at this moment. Not tomorrow, or the next day or the next month. Someday, as I always have said. This is the start of someday.

Maybe, my heartbreak was a crying to make me listen to my heart more. To start following my dreams and to start deciding for myself, not thinking of what other people might say against me 

Maybe, I should stop comparing myself with others. Realize, that all people are different and sometimes we are at the bottom but that doesn't mean we will remain that way forever. 

Maybe, I should really really really start trying not to be scared of numbers anymore. To not be appalled whenever I encounter them. To inhale and exhale. To just relax, "you can do it". 

Maybe, this is the time to talk less and think more. 

Maybe, I should stop trying to be hard on myself. People do make mistakes. I am not Perfect.

Maybe, I should start being honest and to be more accepting; That once I got a grade of 75 (D) on one of my subjects and that made me weaker and weaker and weaker. The grade wasn't the mistake, it was the thinking, that I will never be good enough. "Damn. WHAT? I am so good, I wanna faint award", I will start to be more proud of myself and more humble at the same time. Accept that shit really happens and not everyday is a perfect day. Life is still beautiful.

Maybe, I should stop using "Maybe", instead I should start believing in Certainties. Thus, I am certainly moving forward.  

Thank you self for moving forward.
I must tell you, it took me great courage to write this. 

Love always,
The Sweeter Anna 

P.S. I am so back being happy bitches.