I constantly carry an unruled notebook, where my supposed "teenage-angsts" are written, they are composed of all the things I feel, and all the things I couldn't publish in public. So I've been scanning it earlier and I found this almost empty page, with a very little phrase written on it: "What do you do when you miss someone?"
So I started asking myself; what do I do when I miss someone?
The feeling is something you cannot just let go of in a single pretentious act or indifference. When you miss someone, you start being annoyed - then sad - and lonely.
It's easy to say: "Yup! I'll call her", "I'll go to her house", "I'll talk to him for hours", "I'll send him a private message". What if the person is gone or you don't know her address? What if you cannot talk to him anymore? What if messages and snapchats aren't applicable?
What if it's the moment you miss?
And moments couldn't happen twice.
In everyday we get to miss someone, some moments, some things, we held ourselves endure the pain of not knowing whether we are also 'missed'.
As I was writing this down, I don't even know how crappy this is as my other writings. But, I'm just here to say; I miss you. I miss not seeing you at school, I miss not getting to talk to you on that same spot we used to, I miss you as I sat on that the same chair where you used to braid my hair and I miss you every time I hear loud laughters and chatters. Because, we used to do that (even on skype). Some days, my bedroom gets lonely for I always remember our sleepovers: painting nails and watching vs fashion shows, the kitchen also gets lonely: I miss our cheese sticks making and how we used to put so much cheese on our fries. I miss you.
Lately, I've been longing for friends, I've been missing out and I've been shutting down some friendships, when I don't have to do that back when you are still here with me.
"As I sat down on a jeepney going home, waiting for passengers to fill up the empty seats or the spaces between me and of another passenger, I was hoping that at some point even through this ordinary day, you'd go in to fill up the gap, the margin, the expanse. On the spur of the moment you'll sit beside me and we'd both gladly say, "Omg! we are meant to be"
So I sat there waiting, hoping and dreaming. Then, an old lady came and chose to sit at where you are supposed to be. And off the jeepney went."
Someday, you are going to sit beside me on that jeepney on perfect timing. I'll think of you as a beer to my pizza-life once again.
Today, I marvel at the moment when I get to miss someone.
With little melancholy for I miss the way things are and the way you were once was.
Love,
Anna/Pat/Parsh
You are all missed.
